As told by Nerdanel
This story should offer all of us a deeper understanding into an attitude we perceive sometimes in Feanor. I hope you will find these words pleasing and of benefit
As we all know, Feanor’s father is the High King Finwe. Finwe is the first of our clan of Noldor and he and a handful of others are the first special creation of Iluvatar by His hand (Iluvatar used the Valar as His creative and management forces for the earth, firmament and all that lives or exists therein).
Finwe found his true and eternal love, his “Mela”, her name was Miriel. Some say she was the most beautiful of all the Elven maids, but there is only one image I have ever seen of her and she is devastatingly beautiful. From the moment Finwe and Miriel discovered each other; they were never apart and loved as few will ever love.
They were wed, yet years passed and Miriel did not have a child. This was fine with the two of them as they doted so much on each other. However, as in all life between two matched lovers, a sweet conception eventually took place. Finwe was soon lost in his anticipation it seems he may not have even realised that Miriel had some doubts and fears. This would be the first of all conception for the Noldor.
As the seed of their first born grew within the body of Miriel the entire City was focused on these two for, of course they needed to populate the lands. She carried the child well, but it was heavy in her body and in her mind.
The day she went into labour…they sent Finwe from her chamber to wait and the halls echoed with his boots pacing through the outer court of her birthing chamber her attendants were skilled and loving as they eventually drew out the child. The child who was strong of will from the beginning and who made his cry heard all the way to the other end of the waiting rooms where Finwe paced.
At the sound of this mighty babe’s voice, he strode to the door of his wife’s chamber and asked entrance. As the handmaids opened the door he walked now tentatively to the bedside of his beloved and there in her sweaty arms was a child.
Miriel and Finwe’s eyes met and the love that was expressed in that moment would be impossible to express in words. He embraced her and the child; then took the child ever so gently from the arms of his beloved Miriel and held him while he sat beside her.
Then Finwe stood and took the child from the chamber and like any proud father marched to all he could find to show what a miracle he held in his arms. All were amazed at the beauty of the newborn, and all were delighted for the couple.
Page 63 of The Silmarillion:
“But in the bearing of her son Miriel was consumed in spirit and body; and after his birth she yearned for release from the labour of living. And when she had named him, she said to Finwe: ‘Never again shall I bear child; for strength that would have nourished the life of many has gone forth into Feanor.’”
Yet, when Finwe returned with the child but a few hours later something was different in that room. I am sure, from what Yavanna has shared, that Finwe did not even see this change as he was so possessed by his newborn.
Miriel lay there quietly, watching her beloved; she could not tell him how tired she now felt. Her sprit and body seemed completely consumed with this effort. Yet Finwe doted and cooed to the child, occasionally smiling down at his beloved Miriel, possessed by his joy.
They stayed in that room for days with Finwe pacing and excited and Miriel slowly finding she was too tired to move. Yet she watched from her bed and smiled…though her smile was growing weaker with each passing minute. The labour had taken all her energy and slowly she was sinking into a fog, even as Finwe paced in her chamber.
It is said by Vala Yavanna, that all her life she poured into this child….that though she would have born Finwe many children, and who would know this but the Valar, that all her energy, life and heart for all she would have born with other children went into the one they named Feanor.
In days Miriel had fallen into a sleep that would not release her. Finwe suddenly realised this and handed Feanor to a handmaid. He sat upon Miriel’s bed, holding her and begging her to return. He banished all from her chamber, and the wailing and pleading was heard far into the night.
Many prayed to Irmo to come heal Miriel. Finwe just wept …holding her begging her to return to him… and so he was found when Irmo arrived, holding his Miriel, rocking her back and forth in his arms as you would a child.
Irmo moved soundlessly into the room. Finwe did not even acknowledge him. Irmo gently lifted Miriel from the arms of Finwe, who was too weak with grief to resist. He took Miriel — in an instant it seemed — with him. Irmo laid Miriel in his Garden of Healing and Dreams. The Vala Este and her maids attended her every moment as they prayed she would awaken, yet there she lay…still and soundless.
After the weight of Miriel was lifted from Finwe he was unable to move from his shock and descending grief. He refused to look upon the child Feanor, but laid on the bed where Miriel had just birthed his first son and wept, caressing her pillow and where she last laid wallowing in her sweat-stained linen, weeping without ceasing.
In the meantime, Miriel appealed in her thoughts to Mandos. No Elf had ever spoken with Mandos before this! She begged him to take her spirit into his Halls…and so he made his judgment and took her spirit.
My mother loved Miriel as if she was a sister. Often I am asked where my mother is. You see Miriel’s body remains in the Garden of Dreams. When it was reported to my mother, she went immediately to watch over and tend Miriel’s body. There she has remained to this day…
But who would be brave enough to take the news to Finwe? I have no idea how the news reached him but reach him it did and all stood fearful except for one handmaid, the Elder Valla. The Elder Valla, as senior of the Elder maids was given the responsibility to take charge of the care of the infant, Feanor.
As the King stood in his despair, she approached Finwe with Feanor arms and placed the child in the arms of his father. That moment must have been amazing to have witnessed, wondering he might drop the child or what would he do!
Even then Feanor must have been a beautiful child, for you can see his beauty now. Finwe is said to have looked at Feanor and held him to his breast and cried and cried and then realised what a treasure he held.
This child…this child was all of Miriel’s and his making. This child was the future of the Noldor. This child would be loved and loved as no child ever was or will be.
And so Finwe cuddled the child, paced with him and saw the future in his arms. He passed him back to Elder Valla while he bathed, dressed in fresh clothing and turned his grief into gratitude. From that moment on he indulged Feanor in every way. Nothing he wanted or desired was withheld from him.
They say Finwe lived for Feanor and Feanor for his father. They say no son was ever more devoted and true to their father. As Feanor grew tall, and so beautiful and so masterful, this excessive indulgence took root in Feanor’s heart. He assumed all would treat him in this way…and yet we know this does not happen in life.
Page 64 of The Silmarillion:
“All his love he gave thereafter to his son and Feanor grew swiftly, as if a secret fire were kindled within him. He was tall and fair of face, and masterful, his eyes piercingly bright and his hair raven-dark; in the pursuit of all his purposes eager and steadfast. Few ever changed his courses by counsel, none by force. He became of all the Noldor, then or after, the most subtle in mind and the most skilled in hand.”
Yet Feanor grew into manhood and flourished with all the best teachers and coaches and the love of his father and so some may see arrogance in the heart of Feanor, yet this is not of his own making…it is only a natural result of the death of his mother, Miriel..
Sheridanne Kelley on Role Play 